My delightful pets
When I got home from work my dog Brutus was sleeping peacefully in his crate. We don’t lock him in during the day anymore, since his desire to eat our furniture has abated. When he saw me he came out, wagged his tail, and waited patiently for me to open the back door. Brutus went out and watered my begonias, turned around, came back in and lay on the floor. Wow, what a great dog! I thought to myself. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful, sweet, well mannered dog, especially since I don’t have the energy to deal with a bad dog right now. I bet someday Brutus will save the baby from drowning, or alert us all to a fire, or tell me Timmy fell down the well just in time for Hugh Jackman to run in and save the day. (My mind is not well right now.)
Then I walked around the corner and right into the trail of chewed platic, half eaten styrofoam, bits of paper and God knows what else Brutus had dragged out of the trash can and strewn around the the first floor.
Stupid dog sure had me fooled. We should have just stuck with cats. I thought bitterly.
Until I got upstairs to find the cat had pooped on a pile of clean laundry.
STEP AWAY FROM THE POO!
See, here I am blurting out advice and I’ve never even been pregnant. Feel free to slap me via SuperPoke or something…
I am lucky on the cat thing. They have hairballs but they only do their business in the box, thankfully. I love dogs, but I’m happy to let my mom have dogs for now and stick with cats. They’re calmer and more low-maintenance.
Oooooh, bad Brutus! Bessie is mostly trustworthy these days, but there still come times when we come home to find trash, or gum from daddy’s backpack, or random foodstuffs left within reach, or the stuffing of throw pillows, strewn about the living room floor. Luckily the pets are cute, or we’d kill them. I have a feeling this reasoning also applies to babies: they are adorable so we won’t kill them. But I also have theories on applying the Dog Whisperer to child rearing and I’m childless, so what do I know.
E will need to clean up all pet related poop and vomit. Otherwise you could contract toxioplasmitis…or whatever the animal waste disease is. There should be a chapter in What to Expect….
I was searching for pet-related blogs this morning and came across your blog. I just had to say that you had me rolling! I’m sure my husband was wondering what could possibly be so hilarious at 6:30 in the morning!
Your pets should be on good behavior lest they be completely forgotten once the adorable human baby comes home. Tell them not to let the sun go down on their sorry backs in bebehblogland.