Happy Due Date to Me!

Happy due date to me
I don’t have a baby
I’m done being pregnant
But my fetus thinks it’s funny

I’ve been having some contractions since last night, but never often enough or strong enough to send me to the hospital. E is on duty, so unless the pain gets REALLY bad or my water breaks I won’t be having the baby tonight. STUPID DUE DATE WHY DON’T YOU MEAN ANYTHING? Mom and I walked again today, about 3 hours of shopping down in Mystic. The weather isn’t really nice enough to be outside but laying on my couch is doing nothing to get this baby out of me. I can’t stand the thought of spending the weekend with E and Mom both staring. WAITING. Have you had any contractions? How many now? Does it hurt? Do you feel different? Did your water break? Do you think it might soon? I can’t wait until I can tell them “Yes, I am in pain! I threw up! Wanna see my mucus plug?”

Tomorrow I’m going to visit the health food store for some desperate measures. I’ve heard that besides the raspberry leaf tea, you can use Evening Primrose Oil to start labor. Unfortunately, you don’t take the capsules orally. I’ll let you imagine the delivery method yourself. I might try the teeny tiniest bit of castor oil too. I’ve been threatening the baby with these unpleasant ideas all day but his response is “Go ahead woman, all the pooping in the world doesn’t bother me! I love pooping! Just wait till I get out there and show you poop!” My baby really is kind of a jerk.

7 Responses to “Happy Due Date to Me!”

  1. Brigid says:

    Castor oil is more likely to give you diarrhea and dehydrate you and throw the baby into distress than start actual productive contractions. Any contractions that result are due to dehydration.

    Babies are jerks, though. That is true.

  2. your sister says:

    so what happens to your baby-date-counter now? is it like the price is right? does the baby fall off the end? is there yodeling?

  3. sarrible says:

    Carolyn, I think the baby on the counter should start aging. So he’s wearing a “2007” banner by the time he’s actually born.

  4. lalaland13 says:

    I think the baby should start laughing manically and growing horns since he’s past 40 weeks.

    I’m sorry he’s not cooperating. And I have deadline pressure at work, but I can’t imagine what you’re getting at home: “OMG you sneezed! Is the baby coming?”

    I’ll keep crossing my fingers toes and eyes.

  5. Kimmie says:

    You have got to be one of my favorite bloggers. Thanks for the giggles. I sure hope he comes out of there soon so you’re more comfy :)

  6. h_a_l says:

    “My baby really is kind of a jerk” has me giggling like crazy right now. Hopefully he stops being such a jerk and comes out soon. I was hoping to check in today and find a brief notice from E telling us you’re at the hospital in labor!

    Jump start him with some spicy food! I was at an open house meeting doulas last night, and I was talking to one of them about the neighborhood I live in in Bklyn which is very Mexican and has some amazing places to eat and she said ” Well if you go past your due date just send your husband out for a torta loaded with jalapenos and cover it in some hot sauce because I’m telling you, the spicy food thing works”.

  7. Shayne says:

    Mostly moms using castor oil to labor early. I am one of the moms out there using castor oil. My son is now 1year and 2months. He is so very cute baby. Were having date today. :))

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