Extreme Moments in Bad Fashion: Volume 1
In a far off land, a long long time ago, possibly in another life, I wore a lot of REALLY ugly clothes. And by ugly I mean extreme skimpy and inappropriate for public as well as unfit for human eyes. But it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If anyone ever makes a movie about my life, “It seemed like a good idea at the time” would be the tag line on the posters for both high school AND college.
Most of the blame falls on a) being 19 b) losing a lot of weight and suddenly being about to FIT into extremely skimpy clothing and c) being a regular at a bar where a fake velvet cheetah print bell bottom unitard was considered perfectly normal attire. Did I mention this bar also had a disco ball shaped like a saddle? And that it was not just a bar but a country line dancing night club? Where I was not only a regular but once asked to take part in a “Girls of Neon Moon” charity calendar?
Are you going to stop laughing soon? I’ll wait while you go put on dry pants.
FOR THE RECORD: The calendar never happened. So stop Googling.
ALSO FOR THE RECORD: I met E at that bar. And married him mostly for his line dancing skills.
As part of our current home renovation, we needed to make room in the storage half of the attic for all the junk we need to get out of the living space half of the attic. Since I am the kind of person who Has A Hard Time Getting Rid Of Things, I found three giant tubs full of clothes I have kept for far far too long. Some are just too small (I gave them to my friend Megan who has lost like a zillion pounds and wears tiny midget sizes now), some are just out of fashion (I donated them to Goodwill), and some are so terrifically awful I kept them just to take pictures.
I present for your mocking pleasure – The black sparkly mirrored pants:
- I appologize for the bad lighting. But TRUST ME, you don’t want to see them any more clearly anyway.
- I bought them at Gadzooks. Did you have one of those in your mall? It was like Hot Topic for club goers – less hair dye, more pink.
I think I mentioned before they were a size 5. Turns out they’re actually a 7. But they’re a 7 the same way fat free mayonnaise is actually mayonnaise. NOT AT ALL.
- Good news though! They’re stretchy!
Now, you may be asking yourself “What does one wear with such lovely, lovely pants?” So I present, the matching shirt.
- Hmm….maybe on the hanger it’s a little hard to see.
- I swear it was in the “clothing” section of the store. Gadzooks again, in case you hadn’t guessed.
Still not convinced it’s a shirt?
Sigh.
Fine.
- Please don’t blame my mother. She raised me better than this.
P.S. For the record, don’t expect awesome vintage pictures with future bad fashion posts. They all seem to have gotten lost somewhere between my college apartment and this house. But boy am I going to hold this against my kids some day – LOOK WHAT PREGNANCY RUINED!
THIS HAS BEEN…Extreme Moments in Bad Fashion!
Holy cow. That’s about all I can say. I’ll have to drag out the picture of me in my “Sexy Devil” Halloween costume of a decade ago.
It looks more like a top on you than on the mattress. (There is no way for that sentence to not sound pervy. Sorry)
It could be worse.
I was a Rocky Horror Picture Show loving Goth in the 90s. I wore… a lot of eye make up. And did… interesting things… with lipstick.
OMG. Z Cavaricci. I have got to dig waaay back in the closet for my old pair (not nearly so fabulous). I am NOT going to ask why you still own these items. Your daughter is gonna have SUCH an awesome dress up cabinet!
You were wise not to show me that shirt…
Or should I say “shirt”?
So glad I’m not the only one who noticed those were Z Cavaricci pants!
I’m still pretty sure you had better fashion sense than I did. I wore a lot of baggy clothes; tie-dye, overalls, sweaters from Guatemala…you get the picture.
Wait, does that brand mean something? Should I be putting these on Ebay to make a million dollars?
Also in this same box: overalls, hippie peasant shirts, and fake Birkenstocks. If only I could find a picture of the green corduroy pants I cut the sides out of and sewed fabric panels into. I was REALLY TORN on who I wanted to be. Still am. I have no sense of my OWN fashion sense.
OMG when I was in…..6th grade Z Cavaricci was like the brand of pants you had to wear. They weren;t nearly as fabulous as those though – they were…um very 90’s (late 80’s even?)and horrible.
Funny enough I was just thinking about thesse pants the other day when I was wondering what horrible fashion choices Ivy will make in her pre-teens/teens early 20’s.
This is a fantastic post. I also noticed the Z Cavaricci and yes, maybe you should sell them on Ebay! I had a tight shirt and jumper like Winona Ryder wore in Heathers (when she meets Christian Slater in the convenient mart and buys the corn nuts?) and I thought THAT was racy! I guess we were a little more conservative in Buffalo. Or I was just kind of a dork. It was cold too-you could never get away with a shirt like this!
Z Cavariccis! That was the brand all the “cool” kids were wearing when Mommybwas in about 6th grade… For the record, if Mommy had your body she would have rocked that shirt, too – you look amazing in that pic! Also, she owns pink faux snakeskin pants that she wore to all the best frat parties. Wow
Holy crap. Those pants are -great!-
bahaha.
I think you should put this picture in each of their rooms to remind them.
just kidding! <3
Damn woman! I was all set to be snarkerific and “Where’s the rest of the shirt? Is it outside the window” but you looked pretty damn fabulous in the nonshirt :)
lol!! That top & those pants just made me LOL in a hardcore way. I would have totally worn something similar circa 1996. But man- it’s BAD! (although, hello! Tiny!!! I’m so jealous!) It makes me want to dig out some gems from my past & share!
I totally had that ‘shirt’ in teal. In my defense: I bought is as a dance costume. Not in my defense: I totally wore it out. And I wonder why my husband says I’ve grown ‘conservative’ in my “old age”.
Friend, I think I had those pants. What do you mean their not fashionable?
I REMEMBER THIS PANTS!!!! AND IT’S THE “NOT-A-SHIRT”!!!! Memories :)
I meant to say “those”. I got too excited.
What ever happened to Not-A-Dress? I seem to remember you ending up with that one, but I could be wrong.
Yes, I have a bin full of things I have kept for way too long. I have this plaid uh, dress that looks more like one of those slutty halloween costumes and some really other horrible throw backs to my punk rock days that are sitting in our storage space.
Oh man, this is giving me horrible flashbacks to my frat clothes days… one-shoulder tank tops… red velvet pants… no, even better, the pepto-pink suede pants. WHAT WAS WRONG WITH US???
hahaha….Boy do I miss the Plex, I can’t believe its GONE!!! :( Oh and for the record girl you always looked good when we went out!!! :)
I’m just trying to remember if I’ve ever seen the size 5. Or 7 for that matter. Nope, I don’t think so. ;)
Oh my God, girl. We would have been GREAT friends in college. I dressed the same way. Showing as much skin as possible. I honestly cannot believe I did that.
I love you a little bit more each time I come to your blog ;)
I read this the other day really late while in bad and started giggling so loud. Oh the younger us! We thought we were the SHIT. I should dig up some of the lovely shit i used to wear!!!
i seriously laughed out loud the entire time i read this…and then a little more afterwards too!!! those pants are so much more than awesome! please dont get rid of them. one day your daughter will be in highschool and during her homecoming week there will be a day where everyone dresses up in the “early 2000’s” instead of the 80’s and she can rock those pants!