Do you want me to talk about watermelons again?

Last night while I was making dinner the inevitable happened and I cut myself with a big serrated knife. I’m honestly surprised it hadn’t happened sooner, during those first couple of hazy, sleep deprived months when I was so exhausted I couldn’t remember my own name and had no business opening a can of soup let alone using the stove and the oven and sharp objects. But last night, despite being fairly well rested and getting 99% of the meal done without incident, I sliced open my finger while cutting the hamburger rolls. (Seriously, how stupid is that? They sell pre-cut rolls, right next to the non-cut ones and if I hadn’t insisted on buying the fancy onion kind I would have saved myself $2.00 and quite a bit of pain.)

After standing in the kitchen and yelling for a few minutes I ended up lying on the floor taking deep breaths to keep myself from passing out and hitting my head. I don’t react well to blood when it’s my own (something that runs in our family – Hi Dad!) and although the cut certainly didn’t need stitches if I fainted and hit the counter or the floor I could easily end up in the ER.

So I moaned and whimpered and E ran to get me a band-aid and came back with the hydrogen peroxide because I needed to “clean out the wound”.

Me: NO WAY IN HELL AM I POURING PEROXIDE ON ANYTHING,
E: Yes. You have to wash it out.
Me: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO STAY AWAAAAAAAAAY.
E: You know, you’re kind of a wuss about pain.
Me: You can’t call me a wuss, you threw a fit because you stubbed your toe last week. And…and…AND…
E: Oh I knew this was coming.
Me: AND. I GAVE BIRTH. You cannot call someone who has given birth a wuss. EVER.
E: You had to go and pull the birth card didn’t you?
Me: The birth card never expires. It’s good FOREVER. And don’t you forget it.

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7 Responses to “Do you want me to talk about watermelons again?”

  1. lalaland13 says:

    The birth card is good forever.

    But, to be contrarian, plenty of wusses get pregnant and have the baby because well, once you hit a certain point, having the baby is your only option. That generally requires labor unless you go straight to a C-section.

    But you are not a wuss. Dealing with all that poop makes you a brave woman in my eyes. Among other things.

  2. ryan says:

    i think lala is right. i flinched while getting my blood pressure checked by the midwife the other day but i have a feeling that once this baby is ready to come there will be no amount of pain i won’t welcome just to get it out of me and my vagina.

  3. Erin says:

    Hey, just thought I’d mention for next time — if you ask the guy/girl at the bakery, some bakeries will slice the fancy bread for you. You just pick out the loaf that you want to buy and then give it to them to run through their slicer-machine. Then they just put it back in the bag for you. BUT I hope your finger feels better. Hey, put some breastmilk on it :)

  4. AGreenEyeDevil says:

    OMG, hand injuries bring me to my knees! Whack off a head, carve out a vital organ – no problem, but stay away from the hands. I’m rather quesy for you just reading the post.

    As for the birth card, damn strait there’s no expiration date. I think it should even be good for the afterlife!

  5. E says:

    What I actually said was there should be a statute of limitations on the “I gave birth to your child” Card. But I’m sure i will be completely outnumbered about this. And to add to that, there should definately be a limitation for the number of times in each minute you can say that. That’s all I’m saying.

  6. Brigid Keely says:

    FYI, hydrogen peroxide rocks at cleaning out puncture wounds and getting embedded glass out and stuff, but it’s not so great for straight up cuts and gashes. The bubbling bubbles can actually damage the fragile cells that are already starting to knit back together, destroying the fibers and scabs already forming. I’m not saying your finger’s gonna fall off, but plain soap and water or an antiseptic spray are better.

  7. ita says:

    The birth card trumps every other card for sure! ;) I hope your finger heals fast.

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