All my dreams last night were about zombies. Zombies trying to eat my brain. It wasn’t scary, more like “Shaun of the Dead” than “28 Days Later” as I was just trying to go about my regular day while avoiding being mauled and eaten. Locked doors, big sticks and running away was enough to keep me alive, but God it was so tiring. Pregnant women are totally doomed in the world of zombies.

What the Expect talks about the meanings of typical pregnancy dreams, but strangely, never mentioned zombies. So far, they have failed to address almost all my weird dreams, so I think I’m going to write my own guide:

You dream of…zombies. You fear…that your baby is actually an alien being trying to eat you from the inside out. He has already eaten at least 20% of your BRAAAAAIIIIIN and he’s not even born yet.

You dream of…arguing with people on the internet. You fear…you may be spending too much time online instead of – hold on, I just have to update my Facebook status.

You dream of…killing your husband for calling you “tubby”, although he claims it was an accident. You fear…nothing. That’s totally normal.

You dream of…giving birth to a kitten/puppy/large sum of money. You fear…you could take much better care of any of those things than an actual baby. Especially the money, since it can never resent you.

You dream of…your mother-in-law. You fear…your mother-in-law.

3 Responses to “Braaaaiiiiins”

  1. h_a_l says:

    Last night must have been pregnant lady nightmare night because I had one too. In my dream i gave birth and my baby came out with those little eye shades w/ the sunglasses that they keep showing those octuplets wearing in the pictures that I can’t seem to avoid. Then the Dr and all the nurses and my mom and everyone was yelling at me for not wearing sunscreen while I was pregnant. And I was all ” But my face moisturizer has an spf 30″ And they told me I was supposed to be covering every inch of my body in sunscreen – despite the fact that, you know it’s winter and my skin is not exposed at all. “Don’t you know you’re supposed to wear sunscreen ALL THE TIME – even in your house ALL LIGHT IS BAD FOR YOUR BABY WHEN YOU’RE PREGNANT!!”

    Now I can’t stop wondering why those little babies have to wear those eye shades. I’m off to google this….

  2. lalaland13 says:

    Not pregnant, but I’ve had pregnancy dreams. I had one just the other night-I was very pregnant, and it was near valentine’s day, and I was scared to death to give birth, and my close friend and her husband had just had two babies named Jesse and Jason. Very weird.

  3. Other Erin says:

    I have pregnancy dreams all the time. I wake up feeling that it’s some sort of sign that something has gone horribly wrong. Then I remember my boyfriend lives on the other side of the country and attirubte it to some kind of internal clock that’s just going to have to wait.

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