WE’VE RECENTLY STARTED HAVING A PROBLEM WITH SCREAMING IN OUR HOUSE.

Oh, sorry about that. I’m just used to having to SPEAK VERY LOUDLY TO BE HEARD.

I’ll try to use my inside voice with people who aren’t 21 months old.

Like I was shouting saying, some people (spoken: toddlers) are having trouble controlling the volume of their voice during daily activities. Drop your toy? SCREAM. Can’t reach something? SCREAM. Someone told you “no”? SCREAM. Time to get up! SCREAM. Time to play a super fun game! SCREAM. OK, dude, you can do anything you want if you’ll just shut up. SCREAM.

And then just when things are finally quiet and I get TWO SECONDS to check my email, this happens:

God Bless you Crayola for inventing washable markers

It’s exhausting. We have no real idea how to deal with the screaming or make it stop. We’ve set up a time-out spot (a pack-n-play in the dining room) but he doesn’t seem to understand the connection between the screaming and the punishment. I suppose it’s my own fault for not being as consistent with the TO’s as I should be but it can be hard to judge what infractions against the noise ban are worth punishing. I mean, he’s a kid, he makes a lot of noise. Some yelling is happy and fun. Sometimes the happy fun yelling just gets a little loud accidentally. And then sometimes what I think is just laughing and shouting turns into THE SCREAMING. Most difficult is the screaming while stuck under a nursing baby. Do I put down the baby to enforce a time-out and risk a screaming infant? Do I use some other kind of punishment? Do I have to learn to nurse in a Moby wrap and be ready to SPRING INTO ACTION at any given moment to deal with toddler angst? Because that sounds even more exhausting than just living with the screaming.

Hey, did you know parenting is HARD?

I know poor Little Evan is still adjusting to being a big brother. I know he’s having a hard time sharing his mama (evidenced by his constant requests of “down? down? down?” while patting Caroline’s bouncy seat anytime I’m holding her). I know he’s only two months away from turning 2 (sob sob sob) and this is normal behavior for that age. I know his language skills haven’t yet caught up to his emotions and that leads to a lot of frustration. But NONE OF THOSE THINGS help when your head is splitting open from the screaming. I would normally wrap up a post like this with a plea for advice but I suspect the best advice I’m going to get is “buy some earplugs and start counting down the days until he’s 3 5 16 30.”

It’s a good thing he’s so cute.

Go ahead, try to stay mad at me.

I never participate in Mandy’s weekly SOS style linkys because a) I rarely bother to get dressed these days and b) all my clothes are from Target, which means you probably own them too. Also, I have no style, especially when I’m nursing. Boob-accessible clothing tends to be EVEN MORE boring and unoriginal than my regular jeans-and-sweater combination. What I’m saying is you’re not going to find anything super inspiring here, so just leave now. Go on, get. Stop! Why are you scrolling?!

On Mama:

Shirt, nursing tank & boots: Target

Cardigan: H&M (can I call it “vintage” if it’s from, like, 5 seasons ago?)

Jeans: Old Navy

Headband: Much Love Illy on Etsy

Giant boobs & insanely long hair: Caroline

On Little Evan:

Jean & Shoes: Target

Sweater: Children’s Place (I bought it for my nephew for Christmas last year. It came back in a box of hand-me-downs which is very exciting because I LOVE it.)

On Caroline:

Dress: Uff Da! (And she’s already outgrown it – I need to order a bigger one ASAP!)

Onesie: Carter’s

Leggings: Old Navy (If you need truly infant-sized leggings, that is where to go. These are actually 6-12 month sized but they fit her great!

Booties: Hand knit by my wonderful high-school friend Jen B.

Headband: Allora Handmade

Sunday:

Playing a game of "Squish Little Evan in the couch". He really likes it, I swear.

5 weeks old

Monday:

This is the only picture I took Monday. I think it says enough.

Tuesday:

Someone wanted to make a fashion statement by refusing the rest of his clothes

So I let him. Toddlers: not worth fighting about pants with!

Wednesday:

I wish it wasn't so blurry, but this is a picture of Little Evan putting one of my breast pads in his shirt.

Taking a break from WoW to burp Caroline. I had a "sexiest husband" contest on Twitter last night with Mae & Allison - I should have submitted this picture.

Thursday:

15 more inches of snow. It's at least 2 feet deep - more in the drifts.

But thanks to our snowblower & E's day off I made it out to the grocery store. Don't judge my list.

Friday:

I made oatmeal-butterscotch cookies in my shiny shiny mixer

And I started knitting this sweater. It's my most ambitious project yet and I'm SKEERED.

Saturday:

What, you don't keep your baby in a laundry basket? p.s. She's yawning, not screaming. She totally fell asleep.

Waiting for our Five Guys burgers after a morning trip to the aquarium. It was a fun day!

Did you take any camera phone photos this week? Link up with one or lots using the linky below and grab the code (so it shows on your blog too!) over at Amy’s. Although I wouldn’t check out her photos unless you’re ready to DIE OF JEALOUSY because she’s currently on vacation in Hawaii.

Apparently my friends think of me as some kind of Baby Expert, because now Sara has a question for me (and you) about how to help out when a friend has a second baby. Although since the closest Sara comes to babies is when she scowls at them in the street I guess I AM an expert by comparison. Ha ha, just kidding. Sara only scowls at babies in restaurants and elevators like all normal people.

Here’s the question:
So my cousin’s wife (We’ll call her M to make this easier) is having a baby next Tuesday. My cousin is the one who does my taxes, so I owe him, like, an enormous fruit basket or a kidney or something. They have an almost-four-year-old daughter. What can I offer to do to help? Make food? Take the older kid to the museum for a few hours? If you or your hordes of minions have suggestions for how to help out the second-time parents, I’d appreciate it.

Here’s my advice:
Take the older kid. Taker her far far far away. Take her to a museum and to lunch and to a big space where she can run around and burn off energy. An almost-four-year-old should be a fun date for half a day or so and M will definitely appreciate being able to rest – a newborn is CAKE compared to a toddler. Food is good too, but I would suggest a pizza gift card or a delivery of something like brownies or, well, a fruit basket instead of a frozen meal. Big casserole trays take up a lot of space and if M has done any pre-baby cooking herself her fridge and freezer might be full. You could, of course, call ahead and say “Don’t make dinner Tuesday, I’m bringing something over” and deliver a fresh made meal (or maybe have a nice local Chinese restaurant deliver a fresh made meal) because that saves on both the trouble of making dinner AND the sink full of making-dinner dishes – for some reason, dishes are the absolute hardest thing for me to stay on top of as a mother of 2. Even worse than laundry.

Here’s the important part: when you DO go over to deliver food/pick up their child/offer a kidney, DON’T STAY. Keep it to 2 minutes tops. Don’t sit on their couch, don’t use their bathroom, don’t stay for a meal, don’t so anything that would require M to feel the need to apologize for her unwashed dishes and dirty floors and sweatpants. As much as I loved having people stop by to visit I died a little inside every time the doorbell rang because of the state of my kitchen counters. They were SHAMEFUL. I was even more ashamed of my dirty kitchen than I was of wearing pajamas at 3 pm and no makeup and greasy hair – because what was I doing with my time if it wasn’t making myself presentable OR loading the dishwasher? I AM A LAZY FAILURE.

So. In short: help with the older kid. Drop off fruit basket. When you see M, say “You look so great! Your baby is adorable! Your toddler was SO well behaved at the museum! She clearly has awesome parents!”

Personally, I would find that even better than a kidney. And that’s coming from someone who could actually use one.

How about you, friends? What was the MOST HELPFUL thing someone did for you after having a baby?

Breastfeeding baby #2 is a piece of cake compared to the first time around. (Mmmm…cake. I would like some cake. I would like a whole cake and no I don’t want to share because I am SOOOOO HOOONGRAAAY from the nursing.) All the stuff I struggled with during Little Evan’s early days made me an expert on boobs. A Boobspert, if you will. I figured out Caroline’s latch sooner, my engorgement went away sooner, I recognized the thrush and knew how to treat it sooner, we’ve  introduced a bottle sooner, I’m building up a nice little freezer stash of pumped milk sooner. It’s been almost 2 years since I first started nursing and I have FINALLY got the hang of it.

But in the process, I have confused the hell out of my toddler.

Hello, I'd like some more milk please.

Little Evan was exclusively breastfed until he was almost 13 months – and when I say “exclusively” I don’t mean that’s when we switched to milk, I mean that’s when he started eating ANY solids. The first time I ever saw him eat enough food to be considered a meal was his birthday cake. The child hated baby food, threw up Cheerios, screamed at sippy cups and lived entirely on boob power for more than a year.

I don't see what the problem here is, I know you've got milk in there. Do I need to say PLEEEEEEESE?

When I got pregnant the second time, my supply dropped dramatically and he weaned in a matter of weeks, just after he turned 15 months. We started with rice milk and eventually made the switch to organic whole milk. He LOVES his (fancy, expensive) milk and drinks it like it’s going out of style.

Fine, if you're going to be that way I'll just do it MYSELF

Now that he sees Caroline nursing all the time, he’s started to wonder why his milk comes from a cup instead of straight from me. I haven’t had to flat out refuse him yet, but he keeps patting my chest and saying “mama milk”.

Yes yes, put the milk in my belly! Wait, I don't think this is working.

I’m pretty sure he’s going to be OK in the long run, no permanent damage from his cold, withholding mother who won’t nurse him any more. Actually, one day he’s probably going to DIE OF SHAME that I talked about breastfeeding on the internet at all.

Sharing!

Sorry baby. Send me the therapy bill.