Less than 6 weeks to go, only 2 more pants-on checkups left at my OB office and then we start the Great Contraction Watch of 2010. I was going to say Cervix Watch but that seemed too…graphic. You’re welcome.

(Also, in case you’ve been holding your breath, I’ll put up a “guess the birth date” post right after Thanksgiving and offer some sort of prize for the person who gets it right. Nothing fancy – probably a knitting project, but better than last time when no one got anything. I may do a sub category for birth weight/length but that seems like a lot to keep track of and as far as I know WordPress doesn’t have a plug-in to do it for me yet.)

I went to my appointment today expecting a lecture on my weight and had already planned out my whiny blog post in advance…but instead I got a doctor who looked at my chart, did the math and said “35 pounds! Right on target.”

Which one is the blank-stare-blinky emoticon? I need about two dozen of those.

Honestly, 35 pounds SOUNDS like a lot. I was hoping to keep it closer to 25 this time. It also feels like a lot – just ask my pelvis and my sciatic nerve, which cry a little every time I have to trek down to the basement for yet another half-gallon of milk for the thirstiest toddler on the planet. But despite once again being on the high end of the suggested weight gain scale, I am still having an extremely healthy pregnancy. Excellent blood pressure, no gestational diabetes, no preeclampsia, no warnings about gigantic babies that cannot possibly fit through my tiny delicate lady parts. And for the record, all my pre-pregnancy underwear still fits, as do my pre-pregnancy pants – if I don’t try to zip them. I’m still going to Stroller Strides at least twice a week, I am capable of buying ice cream/candy/cookies and not eating ALL OF IT within seconds, and I haven’t scarfed down more than 1 cheeseburger in a sitting the whole 8 months. MY WILLPOWER, LET ME SHOW YOU IT.

So why have I gained just as many pounds as last time, when I DID eat ice cream and cheeseburgers like they were the last food on the planet and barely moved from the couch after my 4th month? Is this just how much fat my body needs to grow a baby? Is this one going to be bigger? Is this weight going to be just as hard to lose or will it magically burn away with the breastfeeding like so many people claim? That last one would be AWESOME. The potentially larger baby, not so much (my lady parts might be made for birthin’ the babies but I’d like it if they weren’t torn to shreds in the process)(You’re welcome again).

Tell me mamas, am I fooling myself? Is my butt really that much bigger than I’m seeing in my mirror?

If you follow me on Twitter you’ve already heard the 140 character version of this story and I apologize for making you hear it again.

Since the weather is still mild-ish and the toddler is still grumpy-ish, I dragged us out of the house for Stroller Strides this morning, even though I don’t usually make it on Mondays. But I have way too much to do today to deal with a napless child and Stroller Strides + playground = guaranteed afternoon nap >2 hours. BAM. Baby algebra for the win.

Unfortunately I forgot to factor in 8 months pregnant + bottle of water – bathroom facilities at the park, so by the time we made it home I was doing the don’t-pee-your-pants shuffle while dragging Little Evan, the diaper bag, the wet bag, jackets for both of us, a blanket, two sippy cups and a half-deflated football (because this: BUHBALL!! BUHBALL!! NOOOOO!!!! BUHBAAAAAAALL!! is what happened when he saw me trying to leave it in the car) into the house. I dumped everything – including the child – on the kitchen floor and sprinted to the bathroom just on the other side of the baby gate.

Less than 2 minutes later, I came back through the gate to find Evan standing in the middle of the kitchen, holding a weird yellowish rock in his hand, looking at it in a puzzled manner. I walked over to see what it was, thinking “Wow, it was so nice to pee without someone watching me for once. Maybe I’ll do that more often!” when I realized what exactly he was holding.

POOP.

A GIANT PIECE OF POOP.

I screamed so loud he dropped it (OMG) on the kitchen floor (OMFG) and stumbled backwards against the cabinets.

“POOP!” I shouted, as if this would somehow activate an emergency response team trained to handle just such a situation. “THAT’S POOP!!!”

It only took another second for me to realize I was alone in my kitchen staring at the horrible turd and no hazmat team was imminent. Also, the dog had jumped off the couch and was starting to sniff around and as bad as the current scenario was, if the dog…No. I’m sorry. I can’t even finish that thought.

About 400 baby wipes later, I had safely transferred the poop to the toilet, wiped up everyone’s hands and felt disinfected enough to drag us both to the sink for a thorough scrubbing followed by half a bottle of Lysol applied to the floor. Crisis averted, it occurred to me this was really more of a mystery than a horror movie. WHO did the poop belong to? WHERE did it come from? WHY was the baby holding it? WHEN did my life turn into this?

Ok, that last one isn’t such a mystery. But back to the weird parts. Little Evan was fully dressed – diaper, corduroy pants buttoned at the waist, socks, shoes, shirt, sweatshirt. He looked exactly the same as he did when I dumped him on the floor 2 minutes earlier. I did change his diaper after I stopped hyperventilating and it was dirty (TMI ALERT) with several smaller poops that seemed to belong to the same, uh, family. But HOW did he get the one giant one OUT?! Was it from an earlier diaper? How long had it been…loose?  Could it have been hanging around for………No, seriously, I can’t think about this anymore. I’m not strong enough.

My sister-in-law has a similar story about a mystery poop, found in the middle of the nursery one morning while a fully dressed toddler slept in his crib. Before kids, I thought she was probably exaggerating.

I KNOW BETTER NOW.

Do you like these posts? I do. Several other bloggers have started doing camera phone photo wrap-ups, so if someone can set up one of those reciprocal linky things (the kind that shows up on everyone’s blog) we could make it a weekly link up? Or not, since there are about forty zillion internet memes already out there.

Sunday:

I started my week off with a new knitting project - coffee coozies for my Auburn fanatic friends

Monday:

We woke up to this! (Uh, maybe it's time to bring that stroller inside)

So Little Evan and I took advantage of the snow day to work on the new nursery

Tuesday:

Naked, diaperless baby chugs milk and signs "monkey"

I LOVE getting this spot at the grocery store. I figure 1 unborn baby + 1 toddler = DON'T EVEN TRY TO TELL ME I DON'T DESERVE TO PARK CLOSE TO THE DOOR

Wednesday:

Errand day! We bought shuuuuuz at Target to replace the one he lost

And we went to the post office to mail out FOUR different presents. I love our old post office - it's a full 2 stories inside with lots of carved wood and marble.

Thursday:

E used his day off to play horsey

And I used it to get ENORMOUS in the belleh

Friday:

I worked on baby shower crafts

And went out to dinner with my friend Joy for her birthday - this is half an avocado stuffed with lobster, crab and DELICIOUS

Saturday:

I woke up to this, the view from our new 3rd floor bedroom

Despite the fact that we're a hockey family, Little Evan is in LOVE with football. BuhBaaall!! BuhBaaall!! Duh-down!! (Touchdown!)

But he still supported his daddy at the iron man tournament

Today E is competing in a iron man hockey tournament, which means he’s basically getting the crap beat out of him for fun. Men. It also means I won’t be taking any long leisurely naps to make up for the hours I spent tossing and turning (and much, much worse) as punishment for eating WAY TOO MUCH delicious food at girl’s night last night because I’m going to be child-minding and/or bandaging bleeding head wounds. I know you’re so jealous.

So between begging the toddler to stop kicking me in the face and begging the baby to stop kicking me in the liver, I could use some happy today. Here are some things that fit the bill:

I have NO PROBLEM admitting my taste in music leans heavily on whatever the Top 40 station tells me to like (also known as: songs likely to be covers by the cast of Glee). And I think Sara Bareilles fits easily into that category. ASK ME IF I CARE. This song is awesome wrapped in fantastic coated in chocolate. I dare you to not find yourself singing it in the car.

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E really likes t-shirts that say stuff on them, which can be both hilarious and horrible. For example, “The first rule of computer club is that you don’t talk about computer club” is funny. “Hey Princess, Bring Me a Beer” is not (<—— ACTUAL SHIRT HE OWNS). Neither are the various candy slogans-turned-innuendo – “How many licks does it take?” OH HAHAHAHA I GET WHAT YOU DID THERE.  So I encourage the hilarious by buying him the shirts myself.

When we were cleaning out the closets, he found these two in the bottom:

(Warner: Movie spoilers below. Although if you STILL don’t know that Bruce Willis is a ghost, I have no sympathy for you.) (p.s. At the end of Titanic, the boat sinks.)

"The mission wasn't impossible" makes me LOL every time

Best part of the shirts: can you name all the movies?

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As I may have mentioned previously, I read a LOT of blogs. And a big portion of those blogs are other moms who mostly just write stuff. They aren’t fancy or sponsored or professional photographers, but I enjoy every single one of their posts. They’re the kind of writers where I WANT to comment on what they say, rather than feeling like I have to and they post because they WANT to, not because they have to. But just like ANY blogger, I’m sure they’d love more readers.* So check these ladies out**:

1.Planet Hausfrau – Audrey is now the mom of 2, a boy and a girl, both just a few months ahead of my own. There are a zillion reasons I like her, but I think a lot of it boils down to her honesty and frankness when she’s writing about anything from growing vegetables to VBACs.

2. And Then There Were Four – I honestly can’t even remember how I stumbled across Natalie, but I’ve been reading every post (and most of her archives) since I was pregnant. She just…writes. I love it.

3. Now Showing! – Again, I’ve been reading for so long I don’t remember how I started, but I’m pretty sure Brigid falls in the same category as Holly (A Baby Grows in Brooklyn) and Amy (BabyBabyLemon) which is “people I know from a previous life where I spent WAY TOO MUCH TIME arguing about reality tv shows and feminism on a popular women’s blog”. Brigid is irreverent, honest and funny, and I often find myself trying to write more like her.

4. Tin Roof, Rusted – I KNOW I know Leah from my time on the above mentioned website and she is the first blog in my old “Mom blogs” bookmark folder. Her son is a genius named after a hockey trophy and I’m pleased as punch she is expecting her second baby right now. Every post is LOL funny.

5. Life V. 2.0 – TMae is a lovely blog friend who has supported me here on bebehblog since the beginning and now has her own little corner of the internet. She is smart and funny and a good combination of cute baby pics and deep thoughts.

*I am under no delusions that my link here will cause a sudden spike in anyone’s traffic. I am not big-time by any means. I’m barely even small time. I just wanted to show some love.

**I almost never do lists like this because I always feel like I’m hurting someone’s feelings if I leave them off, but please know I still love you and your blog too. These are just people I’ve read in the past few days who made me think “More people should read this!”

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And now I’m off to watch some hockey and check Goodwill for a lamp I can use in the new nursery. Not necessarily in that order. Happy Saturday!!