For the record, these are the things that did NOT help start my labor:
1. Vigorous marital activities
2. Jumping up and down
3. Squatting
4. Yelling at my stomach
5. Writing “GET OUT” on my belly
6. Rubbing the pressure points in my ankles and my hands
7. Pinching my nipples
8. Red raspberry leaf tea
9. Wishing really, really hard
10. A midnight trip to the L&D ward

And these things may have helped
1. Walking
2. Walking
3. Walking
4. Hot sauce
5. A warm, relaxing bath

If you’re smarter than me, you’d actually start with the walking at about 37 weeks instead of ON your due date. Use the opportunity to buy cute baby clothes, including about a hundred of those little sleep gowns you don’t have to take off to change the baby’s diaper. Those are the BEST.

Warning – gross, personal info ahead. You’re welcome.

Even though I had an easy labor and delivery, “easy” is a relative term. 36 cm of baby head (they measured) moving through your insides is kind of traumatic, especially because you don’t get to keep your epidural while you recover and ibuprofen is about as useful as tic tacs against this kind of soreness. One of the most surprising results of labor is my total lack of connection to my bodily functions. The need to pee is more like a dull ache. A bowel movement is back pain. Hunger is like being poked in the ribs, when it finally shows up. My stomach is still all squished from pregnancy and eating is sort of last on my list of things to do. My bladder, on the other hand, is at a near-normal size for the first time in 9 10 months which means I can finish a whole bottle of water without a bathroom break. I’m kind of fascinated and shocked by how much pee I can produce at once.

One of the reasons I have time to be so focused on my own, uh, outputs, is because so far I have only had to change ONE diaper. E is the diaper king. He doesn’t even complain when Baby Evan pees on him to show his joy at being naked. It’s definitely a hereditary trait. Thanks for being so awesome honey, I seriously wouldn’t have made it through the first 24 hours without you!